By: April Carson
Breaking free from a cycle of toxic relationships is no easy feat, especially when the roots of our pain and patterns trace back to childhood trauma. This journey often begins with a commitment to self-awareness and growth—and for me, it is deeply personal. As a mother of two, I am determined to heal my childhood wounds to create a healthier, more loving environment for my children. In this post, we’ll explore how childhood trauma can shape our relationship patterns and the path to breaking free, using insights from researchers and my own experiences.
How Childhood Trauma Affects Relationships
Childhood trauma can have long-lasting effects on our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. Research has shown that children who experience abuse, neglect, or exposure to dysfunctional behavior may carry emotional scars into adulthood, shaping how they view themselves and others. According to Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, author of The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can alter brain development, impact stress responses, and even change our perceptions of love and attachment.
“Trauma fundamentally changes the brain’s wiring and how a person sees themselves and others,” Burke Harris writes. “It can lead people to feel unworthy of love or stuck in survival mode, unable to trust or open up to others.”
In many cases, unresolved childhood trauma manifests as a pattern of toxic relationships characterized by codependency, emotional reactivity, and an unhealthy need for validation. The wounds of the past play out in the present, often unconsciously.
Recognizing the Cycle
For years, I struggled with a sense of unworthiness rooted in childhood experiences that included criticism, emotional neglect, and unrealistic expectations. I found myself repeating unhealthy patterns, choosing partners who mirrored familiar dynamics. It was a painful realization: I was trapped in a cycle that began in my formative years, one that I didn’t want to pass on to my own children.
Healing as a Parent
Being a mother of two has intensified my commitment to breaking the cycle of toxic relationships. Healing is not just for me—it’s for them. Children learn from what they see, not just what they are told. I want my children to grow up understanding that love is built on respect, communication, and compassion. To achieve this, I’ve had to confront my own wounds.
Therapists such as Dr. Gabor Maté emphasize the importance of self-compassion and self-awareness in breaking these cycles. “When we begin to see ourselves through a lens of compassion,” Dr. Maté explains, “we can start to detach from our trauma-driven behaviors.”
Steps Toward Healing:
1. Therapy and Counseling: Seeking help from a licensed therapist has been instrumental in my journey. Therapy allowed me to unpack childhood memories that were too painful to confront alone and provided tools to manage triggers.
2. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Practicing mindfulness helped me recognize when old wounds were resurfacing. Self-compassion taught me to respond to myself with kindness rather than judgment.
3. Establishing Boundaries: Learning to set and enforce healthy boundaries was a turning point. I realized that I could love others without sacrificing myself.
4. Modeling Healthy Relationships: I strive to model what healthy love looks like for my children by nurturing a home environment built on respect, active listening, and emotional safety.
Breaking the Cycle
Healing childhood wounds is not a linear journey. There are setbacks and breakthroughs. But with each step, I am changing the narrative—not just for myself but for my children. We are not doomed to repeat the past. By confronting trauma and working through it, we can break free from toxic patterns and create a legacy of love and resilience.
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References:
1. Burke Harris, N. (2018). The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
2. Maté, G. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture. Avery Publishing.
3. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
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About the Blogger:
Hi! I'm April Carson, and if there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm all about determination, dedication, and passion—whether in the classroom, on the court, or in my community. Growing up as Billy Carson's daughter, I learned early on the importance of pursuing my dreams with everything I’ve got.
My journey took off at Jacksonville University, where I dove into my love for Sociology. I wanted to understand people and society on a deeper level, and I was known for being that curious, enthusiastic student, always eager to make a difference in the field.
But life wasn’t all books and lectures. I had another love—basketball. Playing for the Women’s Basketball team at Jacksonville was an experience that taught me so much about teamwork, leadership, and relentless drive. Those traits have shaped who I am, both on and off the court.
Today, I’m excited to be working on new projects that combine my passion for wellness and mental health. I’ve launched my blog, The Serenity Scrub, where I share insights on mental wellness. I’m also writing a Mental Wellness workbook that I hope will inspire and support even more people on their journeys. Want to learn more about what I’m up to? You can check it all out on my website!
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