By J. Chatfield
Is it a thing to save our children from trauma? The traumas that shaped us into who we are and recognizing what they may have to deal with throughout their lives? We are at a critical point in time that we are acknowledging and healing ourselves from our traumas and this healing is opening up the doors to seeing the traumas that we could cause to our children.
When you mention that has caused a death in a murder situation. Others may know the word in reference to how they have experienced life. Sadly the majority of people do not know the good side of trauma and how to heal generational traumas. n trauma to people they sometimes become defensive. This depends on what they know or has experienced with the word. Some associated it with physical trauma
It is a new day in that as adults we see the patterns that have brought us to a certain way of thinking and acting in our day-to-day activities. Most traumas are shown clearly in our relationships. Others are continuously played out until we go back and address why that trauma is manifesting an outcome over and over and more intensely in our lives. We don't realize that this is something that should be handled and healed by us. But rather than it is blamed on the person the trauma seemly started with.
Let's talk about that trauma. In the simplest form.
Family trauma.
Where did this trauma come from? How is it characterized as trauma? Did my parents or guardians identify it as trauma? Why didn't they seek help? Why didn't they seek help for me?
These are tough questions because they can not be answered as easily as they are asked. In the case of a single mom having a child that she feels she cannot care for in thinking that the best thing for the child is leaving them to be raised by her parent(s), grandparent, aunt, uncle, or the system. You would have to look at how she came to the conclusion that she could not care for her child. Could it be that she was not raised by her mom? Could she have seen two-parent households and thought that was what was needed to raise a child? What if she was raised by her mom and it was rough because her dad walked out on them. She saw her mom struggle so hard to take care of them that she did not want that for herself. Herself, not the child. Many traumas don't have anything to do with children as they happen before any are even thought of.
There are so many variables, but now you have the "football" of trauma. What are you going to do with that trauma as the leader and creator of your reality?
Are you going to pass it? ( Ignore it and let your children handle it)
Are you going to throw it? ( Blame it on whoever you think is responsible and be okay with the outcome)
Or are you going to run the ball? ( Take the outcome into your hands)
I mentioned football because even if you don't understand the game when you watch a game you can see what happens when each of these things is played out. We can talk more about it in part 2 and how each play represents potential outcomes. For now, let's go ahead and run the ball towards the endzone.
You can see potential trauma situations brewing in your relationship with your children. This could not have been seen if you weren't actively working on yourself and because you are actively working on yourself. You can put yourself in the spotlight and heal what is causing the behavior that is projected onto your children. It is important that you take the lead in healing yourselves because in the coming time the pathway needs to be clear for the next generation to be able to run with their passions and not generational traumas.
Growing up in a time of ego, most parents and guardians didn’t apologize to children even when it was found that a mistake was made. Guardians and parents wanted to be the authority and not be seen as weak or not knowing something. This behavior will not work in the present time for anyone. It will not work for my children or your children. It will definitely not in the future. It is our job to change the generational curses so that they can thrive and not survive when we transition from this earthly realm.
Can we save our future generations from trauma? Ask yourself could you be saved as a child. If someone would have paid a little more attention to you. Talked to you about things that rolled around in your mind. Allow you to speak about uncomfortable issues. Explain to you what was going on instead of just believing you will be okay. What type of understanding would that have produced in your life experiences? I have a controversial thought: We wouldn’t need therapists if we would have had intentional guardians/parents, that had trauma-free guardians/parents. Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes, trauma causes us to grow but it can also cause us to stagnate. Many don’t recognize how much being told as a child to not question adults molds them into a person that goes with anything from anybody and keeps them reeling in the same spot. The same job. The same relationship. Never being able to fully express themselves or question situations when they just don’t agree or understand them and to also not trust their intuition and be a sheep to others' dreams, visions, and goals.
This is just a small example but it causes big issues. Just think of all the scenarios that could come of this.
I challenge you to think as if you were a child again. Think as if you were entering into your teen years and how your adult reactions would affect you. Every thought is important. Every dream wants to be realized. All relationships and attention to detail matter. How will you handle yourself? How would you relate to yourself?
To tell the truth, as an adult for some, they are so busy healing and figuring out their lives that they feel they cannot listen to the cries of their children for assistance with navigating their lives. Some parents think they don’t have the tools, but you do. Your children are your children for a reason and that means that you have the tools to tap into them and assist them with the things that they face. They are you!
I’ll ask again. Can You Save Your Children From Trauma? Not, all of it but whatever is in your control, take ownership and run the ball. When you run, you will see all the situations, words, and anything else that can cause unnecessary traumas to your children's lives.
J. Chatfield is an author, homeschool parent, and podcaster that loves to uplift heal and motivate others to live their purposed life. She loves writing stories/producing media for children and adults to assist them in healing trauma and knowing themselves. You can find her interviews and stories on:
https://lovingyourselftolife51725778.wordpress.com/
https://anchor.fm/latanya-n-chatfield
Watch this video where Billy talks about how we can avoid causing trauma in not only your life but most importantly your children.
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