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Treat Your Fear as a Playmate

Being fearful is easy. Especially now.

Life can bombard you with tragic changes at any moment. Living breeds uncertainty and creates drama. Your girlfriend could break up with you. The stock market could crash. CNN could report that someone got murdered. Your husband could serve you with divorce papers. Your kids could get hurt at school. You could get demoted at work. A blue jay can attack an Eastern red bat. A weather system that we call a “bomb cyclone” could cause major winds that result in power outages in your neighborhood. A television could stop working.

When life transitions your story of existence like this, it can pain your heart and cause resistance to the change. How could it not?

Even Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, despite knowing death was imminent, asked for this cup to pass. But once the attachment to the fear of death was released with a new thought, Jesus surrendered by saying, “nevertheless, not as I will but as you will”.

Mental or emotional resistance to a present change in circumstance is what we call fear. When we call on fear—fear will be there.

The thoughts that we tell ourselves about living create opportunities for life to be disappointing. Despite our knowing that life is ever-changing, we still hold tightly to the thoughts of how we wanted things to be.

After my dad died in 2019, I still imagine him sitting in his favorite chair on my patio yelling out to me to bring him some water. I still want my dad to be here, but his physical body as I knew it is not. I would have stayed stuck in a perpetual state of sadness had I attached myself to the fear of my dad leaving me.. I remember my sister calling me via FaceTime, showing me dad dead in his hospital bed. I‘m crying, screaming, thinking, “Wait until I get there. I’m not ready for you daddy to go. Come back daddy; Please! No! I want you to stay here with me. Please daddy, don’t go!” Despite my thoughts fearing his death, my dad laid dead in the bed.

If we trust our thoughts without examination, we create stickiness in our minds. And it’s our unchallenged attachments to these thoughts that override our knowledge that create fear. And fear is sticky. And if you don’t train your brain to go with the flow of life, fear will grip you by the heart, keep you stuck in a past state of mind, and fear will color the present with pain.

Remember Thoth’s words: “Now I give unto thee knowledge, known to the Masters, the knowing that conquers all the dark fears. Use this, the wisdom I give thee…..When unto thee comes a feeling, drawing thee nearer to the darker gate, examine thine heart and find if the feeling thou hast has come from within. If thou shalt find the darkness thine own thoughts, banish them forth from the place in thy mind.”

Fear flows naturally from the words that bind our thinking and instruct our perception. Perceptions are our mental images and concepts that are created from our own observations or observations that have been passed down to us from prior generations.

Beau Lotto in Deviate: The Science of Seeing Differently, says “our sense of self, our most essential way of understanding existence, begins and ends with perception.” We perceive our story of life one way and we fear the change in that perception. We don’t actually fear death; we fear the perception of not living. And this fear of not living causes many of us to waste our present lives in worry of not dying or at the very least not enjoying living to its fullest.

When fearful thoughts come into our minds, staying stuck in the fear of fear is wasted energy. Give your fears space to live and feel them fully. Honor your fears with acknowledgment. But then take those thoughts that underly the fears and cross examine them with inner logic: Hello thoughts, are you true? Can I absolutely be certain that this thought is true for me? If I think an opposite thought, right at this moment, could this new thought be just as true as the old thought?

Speak directly to your thoughts: How would I feel thought if I just had a new thought?

And with each new thought that questions an old thought we begin to vibrate on a new level of understanding and fear just comes along with us for the ride. And we begin to treat fear, as Kristen Ulmer, who was once voted the best female extreme skier in the world, suggests, as a playmate.

ShonSpeaks is the managing member of The Fleming-Bruce Law Firm, P.L.L.C.. She is also has her own blog at and she is a certified brain health professional. If you would like to learn more about brain health, connect with me at





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